


Make Your Way Back Down

by mywholecry



Series: and please be calm now [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: dogdaysofsummer, D/s, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-30
Updated: 2011-05-30
Packaged: 2017-10-19 22:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/205727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mywholecry/pseuds/mywholecry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someday, he thinks they might have to become adults and talk about these kinds of things, but right now he wants to take Remus somewhere and hide and not come out until everything is through. He goes to Remus' room and takes off his shoes, his socks, and leaves the rest of his clothes on, just in case. Remus never makes him sit still long, but he's angry, now, that tight-skinned shaky sort of angry that means a lot, and Sirius tucks one foot underneath the other, and he waits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make Your Way Back Down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [werewolfsfan](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=werewolfsfan).



> Written in response to a bid at the help_haiti auction.

Sirius gets restless more, lately, goes out on his own even though he knows he shouldn't. He makes Remus worry on purpose, which isn't fair, but he doesn't really know how to stop. So, Sirius has cuts and scraps that he hasn't bothered to heal, and Remus has circles under sad eyes, and he wishes that they didn't have to be scared all the time. He follows Remus around the flat the first time they have a big fight (stupid silent treatments and looks from Remus, Sirius breaking and yelling so the neighbors can hear) and touches his shoulder, plucks at his sleeve, tries to say he's sorry without saying anything at all. He stands behind Remus in the kitchen, too close, and he stays as quiet as he can until Remus says, "Go sit down on the bed," in a small, tight voice, and that's what he was looking for.

Someday, he thinks they might have to become adults and talk about these kinds of things, but right now he wants to take Remus somewhere and hide and not come out until everything is through. He goes to Remus' room and takes off his shoes, his socks, and leaves the rest of his clothes on, just in case. Remus never makes him sit still long, but he's angry, now, that tight-skinned shaky sort of angry that means a lot, and Sirius tucks one foot underneath the other, and he waits.

Ten minutes, later, maybe less (Sirius tried counting the seconds off from the clock on the wall behind his head but lost it somewhere), Sirius has shut his eyes, and Remus walks quietly in, socks padding on the floor, to sit next to him. They listen to each other breathe for a little while until Remus says, "We're supposed to talk to each other," and, "I know I'm bad at this."

Sirius has never really thought Remus was bad at anything.

He asks, "Bad at what?" even though he thinks he knows.

"Whatever we're doing," Remus says, like he's not sure how to speak, anymore, Moony of all his eloquent stolen turns of phrase, "dating? I'm not good at dating."

If this didn't seem like a Moment with a big capital M, Sirius might say _considering how many times you've gotten me off, I would say you are extremely good at dating_ , but he knows that Remus isn't talking about that. He's talking about the fact that neither of them have considered other people as an option since the beginning of this summer, that they've somehow stumbled from friends to more-than-friends to something oddly constant in a handful of months. Sirius turns to press his lips to Remus' cheek, and he wishes he could say that they won't ever fight again and mean it.

They try to talk, and they go to sleep next to each, between halting sentences and honesty.

 

*

 

Remus tells him that he's read things, the first time Sirius starts dropping hints and Remus brings rope home, and Sirius imagines him hiding in the back of the library and going into the less reputable bookshops and trying not to look awkward, and he can't stop laughing until they're actually in the bedroom. He lets Remus help him out of his clothes and only starts to shake when his arms are behind his back, shoulders pushing out enough that he can feel it, the pull in his back. Remus ties knots in the rope slowly, making sure it keeps his wrists together, and Sirius says, "You could do that with magic, you know."

"I want to make sure it doesn't get too tight," Remus says, "because you've been acting like nothing can hurt you, and I'm afraid you wouldn't tell me."

Sirius feels damp lips brush the skin between his shoulder blades, hair brushing his skin for a moment before Remus lets him go. The world spins slightly in him, floor tipping and balance shaken until Remus is standing in front of him, looking up with wide, serious eyes. There isn't really that nervous edge to them, not like before, just a question, a quiet caution. Sometimes, Sirius wishes he wasn't so careful, but now he blushes and shifts and looks away when he nods to a question that wasn't asked.

Remus lays hand on his shoulders, pushing down lightly even though Sirius was already moving to his knees.

 

*

 

"You shouldn't be ashamed of wanting something," Remus says, too late that night, a low rumble in his chest that Sirius can hear over the slow rhythm where his head is resting above his heartbeat. He breathes out, almost a sigh, twisting his leg farther to hook behind Remus' knees, so he's lying mostly on top of him.

He thinks about it.

"Just strange," he says, finally, "being so aware of myself." Of you, he thinks, but it probably doesn't need to be said. And Remus makes a slight, agreeable noise, moving underneath him until they're both comfortable. They had thrown the sheets to the floor, earlier, when the room was too hot and stifled and small to fit their movements inside (friction, still unpracticed). He hides his face in Remus' neck and opens his mouth, and he can still taste the sweat that's dried there.

*

In the morning, Remus wakes him up with gentle touches at his wrists, turning them over in his hands to check for bruises. The ropes were tied loosely, though, and there's only a few pale pink marks when he opens his eyes to look. He smiles lazily down from where he's still curled on his chest, rolling away.

"Hi, hi," he murmurs, moving his head to kiss Remus once, closed lips to closed lips.

Remus gets up to take a shower, and Sirius makes burnt toast and coffee. The smile on Remus' face when he wanders into the kitchen, stretched out and pretty in the late morning warmth, makes Sirius want to do somersaults or talk about his feelings. He watches as Remus drinks the coffee quickly, and Sirius says, "if you love me, you'll love my poor toast-making abilities," and Remus rolls his eyes.

"You should probably let me handle cooking," he says, even though Remus can't do much more than make cocoa and heat up takeout on the stove, and Sirius kicks at him under the table. They're supposed to go to James and Lily's flat this afternoon for dinner, because Lily's maternal instincts are kicking in now that she's farther along in the pregnancy, but that would involve them not being alone and Remus not being mostly naked. Sirius isn't sure he approves of that.

 

*

It's late one night, a few days into August, when they get a message from the Order saying that there's sudden Death Eater activity going on downtown, in the middle of London with crowds and crowds of muggles around, and James was the first to get there. There's still fighting going on, and the writing is rushed and still wet, and Sirius is tripping over himself to get down the stairs. Remus yells after him, close behind, "Do not get yourself killed!" but this is James, James, James, and Sirius can't listen to anything but his footsteps pounding somewhere behind the rush of blood in his ears.

He's only vaguely aware of Remus when they're in the midst of the fighting, almost a riot, until he hears James shouting and Remus' name and the whole world drops in around him. There's dirt and sparks kicked up around his legs, in the air, and he can mostly just see spells now, bursts of red light, streaks of green whenever he blinks, and he can't see Remus at all.

 

*

 

It ends, eventually, breaking off until nobody's exactly retreated. Sirius finds Remus and James when the dust has settled, and Remus has blood on his hands and blood on his face, and Sirius doesn't remember how to keep his breath in. He lets loose a string of questions and concern that get mixed together until all he can do is help James help Remus stand, slide an arm around his waist and resist hugging him close because maybe he has broken limbs, maybe his ribs are cracked.

Remus won't go to St. Mungo's, so they take him to Lily, and she makes James take Sirius into the bedroom because he won't stop asking questions.

James says, "He's going to be fine. Lily's a better healer than anybody-"

"You're only saying that because she dazzles you and she's bearing your undoubtedly crazy-haired offspring," Sirius says, but he knows that Lily is a good healer, and he doesn't say anything more when James cuffs him lightly and puts an arm around his shoulder.

"He's going to be fine," he repeats, and Sirius nods.

 

*

 

Remus says, soft, "You forget about my werewolf super powers."

"I do," Sirius says. "I forget about them."

They both stayed with James and Lily for the night, to make sure Remus was okay to walk on his own, and Sirius kept as close as possible to him without giving anything away. He slept in Lily's old sleeping bag from her family camping trips, beside the sofa so he could hear Remus above him, and he talked to him until the potion Lily gave him set in and he fell asleep. Sirius didn't really sleep, but he's never needed a lot of it. It's morning, and James is making tea because he talks too much in the morning for Lily to deal with him. She sits next to Sirius and takes his wrist, says, "These bruises are old. Are you an abused spouse, Sirius? Do I need to have words with Remus?" There are hints of purple and deep yellow all around the bones, fingerprints that have started to fade, and she is smiling at him. He thinks about how much he wanted them, and how it would be nice if he could just talk about it. Maybe not the bruises, but Remus and him and what they are.

Instead, he passes it over with a joke, and Remus murmurs something dry and breathes out tense beside him. He doesn't talk a lot until they're on their way home, and Sirius grabs his hand, because it's dark and nobody's watching.

"Don't you want to tell people," Remus asks, "just, all the time?"

"From the rooftops," Sirius says, and: "I've considered looking into sky writing."

Remus moves closer so their shoulders are touching, and they don't let go of each other's hands.


End file.
